I TOTALLY understand....

This post is appropriate for me today since I'm fighting a cold and feel like crap. So this brings me back to this memory and the reason for today's post.

When I lived up in Knoxville, going to UT, sometimes I would hang out with my second family up there; my aunt, uncle, and cousins. One night, my lil cousin was going to be in a church play for the holidays and they invited me to come watch. Of course, I couldn't pass up a chance for free food (the church provided dinner before the play) and to watch my lil cousin, so I came along. As we're sitting around the table, my aunt and uncle are talking to all of their friends and I didn't know a single person so I was just sitting there watching everyone. Out of the corner of my eye, I see my aunt whisper to one of her friends "she's deaf so make sure you look at her so she can read your lips" (In case you don't know, I'm very observant and can read lips from across the room) However, when people are warned that I'm deaf before they actually meet me, they seem to jump to the conclusion that they have to over-enunciate every word while speaking loudly, which quite honestly, annoys the hell out of me. My aunt's friend looked very excited and so at this point I realized I'm about to embark on an interesting conversation.

About five minutes later, this friend of my aunt comes over and sits down next to me.
Friend: While speaking very loudly and over-enunciating "Hi Sarah, my name is so and so" (I actually don't remember her name)
Me: "Hey it's nice to meet you"
Friend: "I have something to tell you"
Me: "what's that?"
Friend: "About once a year, I get this really bad sinus infection and I can't just hear anything at all"
Me: "uh huh...."
Friend: "So I TOTALLY understand how you feel"

As she says this, she puts her hand on my arm and smiles like we've become best friends because of her ONE cold a year, she totally understands how someone like me, who's deaf year round and who has never had hearing, knows how I feel. I finally found my long lost best friend....

How I became a Tater....

Sean and I met and exchanged numbers at a grad school party. We started dating. Fast forward about six months of dating, I remember a conversation I had with my mom about the relatively new guy I was dating and how he has yet to ask me about my ears, which I was pretty surprised about. My mom brought up how it seems like of all the guys I've dated, they would either look down at me as someone they had to take care of or they would put me up on this pedestal and look up at me as if I was this goddess that has conquered the world. But Sean, he treated me as an equal and never asked my ears. So that night, I decided to approach the topic. This is how it went...and yes, I remember it that vividly....

Me: "So Sean, we've been dating several months now and yet you've never asked about my ears. Are you curious about them at all?"
Sean: "what kind of questions would I ask?"
Me: "I don't know...."
There's a moment of silence so I blurted out this question...
Me: "well if things progress and we get married and have kids, there may be a slight chance that they'd be deaf too"
Sean: "well we'll just slap those ear things you have on them and they'll be fine"

For those of you who don't know, these "ear things" I have are cochlear implants that involve a six hour surgery. Regardless, I married the guy a year and half later and became a Tater.

Bed Bath and Beyond

So one day I'm shopping at Bed Bath and Beyond and this employee comes up to me...

Employee: "Can I help you find anything?"
Me: "No, I'm good, thanks"
I return to whatever I was looking at and out the corner of my eye I see him brighten up like a little kid on Christmas morning. In the back of my mind I'm thinking sh*t and try to walk away quickly. But he cuts me off my path and starts to sign to me...
Employee: "are you deaf?" as he's signing to me
Me: "......no......."
The employee's face quickly turns from an overly excited kid to the face of a kid whose new Christmas toys were taken away by the Grinch
Employee: "are you sure?" as he continues to sign
Me: "yes I'm sure"

Introduction....

So let me explain the reason for this blog before I start posting some things that one may hear when they're deaf. If you haven't figured it out by now, I'm deaf (I prefer the term hearing impaired), and I get the most bizarre comments. When I was younger, it used to piss me off and even though while it still annoys me, sometimes I just have to laugh. Most of the comments I got when I was younger was directed right at my deafness, because it was more obvious. However, since I've been implanted and my speech has improved significantly, I get all kinds of comments about my "accent". So I have decided to start a blog to record and share with my loved ones the most bizzare comments I get and maybe bring a lil laughter to our days, and to vent too so you may see some ugly choice of words but at least you were warned. So without further ado, here it is folks!

Most recent comment from today:
Patient: "So I have a question"
Me: "what's that?" (knowing it was going to be related to my "accent")
Patient: "Are you deaf, mute, or both?"
Me: "Well, obviously, I'm not mute if I'm talking to you"
Seriously?!?! idiot....

Another comment from earlier this week:
16 year old girl: "are you wearing a retainer?"
Me: "Am I wearing a what??"
16 yo girl: "a retainer"
16 year old girl's mom: "Brittany...hush"
At this point there's an awkward silence in the room as I'm still trying to figure out what kind of question that was....
Me: "ohhh, no, I'm hearing impaired"
16 yo girl: *gasp* OMG I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to be mean, I'm so sorry"
Me: "mm hmm, okay let's go for a walk now"

Last but not least:
Patient: "Where are you from?"
Me: "Sweden"
Patient: "ohh"
I do my thing with the patient then leaving instructions for the patient on how to get back to bed. I start to leave the room and say good-bye.
This is the patient's response: "You know, you're pretty straight-forward.....but I guess that's how most of you Swedish people are"